MY TESTIMONY:

WHAT DO WE HOPE TO GET FROM ONE’S TESTIMONY? I THINK WE HOPE TO GET TO TOUCH SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE IN ORDER TO HELP THEM GET THROUGH WHATEVER IT MAY BE THEY ARE DEALING WITH.   WE MUST GIVE GOD THE PRAISE AND WORSHIP HE DESERVES FOR GUIDING US THROUGH OUR TROUBLES AND TRIBULATIONS WE ARE DEALING WITH.  

MY STORY IS PROBABLY NOT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM A LOT OF MEN. I AM A MAN THAT HAS PROBLEMS GIVING MYSELF TO ANOTHER. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWO TIMES BEFORE MY CURRENT MARRIAGE I AM IN WITH MY THIRD WIFE. I WAS A MAN THAT CAME FROM A DIVORCED MOTHER AND FATHER, SO I HAD IT IN MY MIND THAT I WOULD NOT GO THROUGH A DIVORCE. THE ONLY PROBLEM WITH THAT IS YOU DON’T CONTROL THE OTHER PARTY.   GOING INTO THE THIRD MARRIAGE WE HAD TROUBLES FROM THE GET GO.  WE BOTH BROUGHT DIFFERENT KINDS OF LUGGAGE INTO THE RELATIONSHIP.  WE STARTED GOING TO CHURCH BECAUSE WE BOTH WANTED THAT TO BE PART OF OUR LIVES, NOT ONLY FOR US, BUT ALSO FOR OUR CHILDREN.  THE RELATIONSHIP DID NOT START ON GOOD GODLY PRINCIPALS, SO THE RELATIONSHIP WAS PRETTY MUCH A FLESHLY RELATIONSHIP.  MY WIFE CAME TO ME ONE DAY AND ASKED WOULD I SEEK A BIBLICAL COUNSELOR.  I AGREED, SO WE FOUND TAMI-A GOOD BIBLICAL COUNSELOR.

TAMI STARTED PEELING THE LAYERS OF ONION OFF FROM US BY EDUCATING US TO TAKE OUR EYES OFF EACH ANOTHER AND FOCUS ON GOD, AND OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, BECAUSE WHAT PEOPLE SEEM TO DO IS LOOK FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO FULFILL THEIR HAPPINESS AND THAT IS NOT WHAT WORKS.  .AFTER SEVERAL SESSIONS WITH TAMI,  I SAW IMPROVEMENTS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT SOMETHING WAS STILL MISSING.  ON ONE CERTAIN SESSION, I ENDED UP WALKING OUT BECAUSE I FELT MY WIFE WAS ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME AND NOT HERSELF.  I TOLD MYSELF AT THAT POINT, “I AM DONE. WHATEVER HAPPENS WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP JUST HAPPENS.”  AT THAT TIME I WAS LOOKING FOR A REASON TO GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE. I DID NOT CARE TO SAVE IT ANY LONGER.  I BEGAN TO HAVE AN EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIR.  IT WAS NOT PLANNED BUT IT HAPPENED.  

DURING THAT TIME, I NOTICED MY WIFE WAS CHANGING RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES.  I ASKED GOD, “WHY NOW WHEN I’M OUT OF HERE?”  BUT THINGS DON’T HAPPEN IN YOUR TIME. THEY HAPPEN IN GOD’S TIME.   FOR WHATEVER THE REASONING, MY WIFE CONFRONTED ME ABOUT THE AFFAIR.  I TOLD HER THE TRUTH.  IT WAS DEVISTATING TO HER, AND THE WOMAN I KNEW BEFORE WOULD HAVE HAD A MAJOR EXPLOSION.  BUT NOT THIS NEW FOUND LADY I HAD WITNESSED THROUGH ALL THIS CHANGE. I WAS AMAZED, ASHAMED, DISGRACED, EMBARRASSED.  YOU NAME IT . . . I NEVER EVER WANTED TO HURT MY WIFE, NOR MY FAMILY, BUT WHAT TOOK PLACE AFTER THAT WAS AMAZING!  I FINALLY CAME TO THE END OF MYSELF IN REPENTANCE. . .  NO PRIDE, NO SELFISHNESS. 

I WENT THROUGH AN INJURY DURING THAT TIME AND COULD NOT DO ANYTHING, SO GOD ALLOWED MY INJURY TO HAPPEN TO FOCUS ON HIM, AND THAT IS WHEN IT ALL TOOK PLACE.  GOD ALLOWED ME TO COME TO THE END OF MYSELF, LOOK AT MYSELF, NOT MY JANET, MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, AND HE SHOWED ME A MAN’S PRIDE AND SELFISHNESS WILL DESTROY A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND EVEN WITH GOD. I KNOW NOW MORE THAN EVER YOU MUST KEEP GOD IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL TIMES IN WORSHIP, PRAISE, BE IN HIS WORD, SEEKING HIS VOICE, DO WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS, AND YOU WILL HAVE A REMARKABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, FIRST, AND THEN YOUR SPOUSE AND FAMILY. I THANK GOD FOR BIBLICAL COUNSELING.  I THANK GOD TAMI LET GOD WORK THROUGH HER TO BE THAT COUNSELOR.  LIFE IS TOO BIG FOR US TO HANDLE ALONE. GOD IS THE ONLY WAY!

JB

After being married to two different men and divorced because “they did not make me happy,” I met a third man, which is my husband now. Again, after struggling of 9 yrs and not being “happy,” I heard about Gateway Counseling (Life Solutions Counseling and Training Center) on my radio while driving in my car. I called the ph #, set appointment with Tami, went to counseling for several weeks. I would hear good Godly information, but wasn’t ready to work on myself because “my husband hadn’t changed yet.” We ended our counseling sessions abruptly do to my husband giving up at that point. I knew then I had no where else to turn but look toward myself changing and start using the Godly principles that Tami shared with us many times before. I had to turn away from my selfishness of trying to change my husband first and for the first time, I turned towards God to help me look at myself in areas I needed to change, with or without him. God was so ever faithful in showing me & giving me the strength to endure, focusing on where I needed to change.

Through several months of this “new “ direction, I noticed my husband getting further and further away, spiraling  out of control down hill., which made it even harder for me to stay focused on God. Change had started happening to me through the Holy Spirit; the change that was always needed. The realization that God is the only Person who can restore my past hurts, rejections, and emptiness. Leaning on another man to make me happy was another “fairytale’ that came to another end. I am still learning about God’s great love, and restoration for me.

Today, my husband and I have a better relationship than we have ever had, even better than any other relationship that I have ever had. I thank God for using people like Tami, who was very instrumental in bringing us toward God’s light, to truly understand that life and relationships are all about PLEASING GOD, not yourself or another person with every word & action.  In turn, God sees to it that we are very pleased & blessed with His favor in all aspects of our life, marriage, family and work.

Thank You,

I am Blessed!

JB

When I was first approached about going to counseling I was dead set against it.  I would say no one can tell you how to feel about someone or change how I feel about something.  As a last ditch effort I agreed to go just to show my kids I “did” try. We were married for 25 years when we started.  There were walls that we had built with each other and hurts that became bitter.   I thought I had to protect myself from hurt.  We lacked communication and respect for one another and neither of us willing to give in till it was almost too late.  We blamed the other for what or why we acted and did things the way we did.  I knew in my head that I was right but the heart said different. 

I went to my first counseling session with a bad attitude and my mind set to say “See, I told ya so.”  Little did I know God had a sense of humor even in my hardened heart and had another plan I didn’t see.  This was the beginning of a journey.

It took a few sessions to see that I was softening and that “maybe” this could help.  It was not a blame session or a tattle tale session.  Tami helped us look at our own lives and see what we were doing to make our own attitude right.  She showed us that we felt wasn’t necessarily wrong but how we handled it was.  We were pointing fingers and more worried about the wrong of the other person rather than looking at ourselves. 

Tami pointed us to the Bible and how to look at this in a way that made me see beyond all that I thought I knew and had validated in my own mind.  She shared Scriptures that brought things to light for me.  She showed me that when we strip away the layers that “self” was the reason I did the things I did.  The world we live in is an “if it feels good do it” world.  There are consequences to our actions good and bad.  It wasn’t always easy to ‘prefer the other more than yourself’ but in doing it it did produce better results and God was glorified! 

When Tami shared with us about putting off the old and putting on the new seemed like a simple matter but I found myself thinking old thoughts.  I had to make a conscience effort to change my way and think His way.  We have been taught this for years but unless it is applied to your life it doesn’t do any good.  We were taught to take every thought captive meaning that when a thought comes to you filter it through the Bible.  If it is not to think about what is good.  An example I heard was if I tell you not to think about a black lab that is all you see.  To change this thought, I have to put a new image in your mind to think about.  I could tell you to think about a white poodle and now the black lab is not the focus any longer.  This is how it is with our thoughts in life.  Think about things that are good, lovely and good report.  We have to train our minds to rethink the way we did.

We have three boys that are young men now and I can say I have tried and am continuing to do what is best for our family.  I didn’t think that my decision to go ahead with a divorce would affect them since they were older and had both parents through school years.  I could see the pain in their eyes and hear it in their voices.  My decision was not only about two people but it was affecting more than that.  They were looking at us for support as they had started relationships.  Now their world was falling apart and they did not have anyone to really look up to.  Who would they go to for advice?  Who was their example?   Now I also see a change in my sons’ attitudes.  They have a renewed trust in what God can do and that when relationships go through trouble there is hope.  I have seen their pain replaced with hope and their voices have joy again.  They have been the highlight of my life and to see this restored gives me more than one will ever know.

I know that I have definitely had a change from the beginning to now.  It did not happen overnight but as Tami says we didn’t get here overnight either.  I still have moments where I don’t always do the right thing but try to get back on track sooner than what I had in the past.  I have not arrived by any means but am still on this journey that started with a bitter attitude and now I have a better attitude. 

Now that we have gone through Biblical counseling we have seen the changes and know that if we want change it begins with the heart.  We have to be selfless to actually get what we really want, which is true peach and that that only come from bringing honor to the Lord.  It seems opposite of what we naturally think but its working. 

The other exciting thing about this also, is that we will be celebrating the birth of our first grandson this September together!  We know that this journey we are on will have an affect on him as well and our future daughters-in-law and grandchildren. 

Submitted by,

KM 

I have suffered from bouts of depression off and on through most of my adult life. I was prescribed anti-depressants twice but did not want to become chemically dependent and did not choose to take them. Finally in my brokenness at the bottom of a pit I started to look up towards God for answers. I have continually let my circumstances dictate my happiness or sadness and had developed a victim’s mentality. I could not understand why things sometimes did not go my way or why people would not respond or treat me in the way I expected or wanted them to, especially when I was nice and they were mean, hateful or disrespectful.

I would become unhappy with a person or situation and let it affect my mood by feeling that somehow I had offended or done something wrong to cause the discord and actually deserved to be treated poorly or to have constant misfortunes. Biblical Counseling has helped me to understand that putting total trust in God is the answer to achieving a sound mind and living a life in perfect peace, love and joy.  

I now understand that I cannot control people’s actions or keep unfortunate situations from occurring. (In fact I have learned that trials are a normal part of life and actually have a purpose to teach us valuable lessons). However I can control how I respond or react to these people or situations and not let them get the better of me. I have learned that by living a life for Christ and sowing good seeds I can expect to harvest good things as a result. This has helped to reduce the uncertainty I would feel when people or situations were not acting/unfolding as I had hoped or expected.

I have also learned that by trusting that God has great plans for me and that they are all for good and not for evil, I can relax knowing that no matter how bad the storm seems he is with me guiding my path and lighting my way. It has helped me to understand that sometimes things or people we think we want in our lives may not be Gods perfect plan for us. He has something better in mind but only if we listen and heed his words and don't overlook the warning signs. You will know them by their fruit not by what they say.

      Biblical counseling has helped me to identify personal inequities and some character flaws in myself that I am working to eradicate from my life. I realize that the more I can remove sin from my life the more blessings I'll receive and the happier and healthier I will live. Checkered as it is I can't erase my past but the Bible says "look forward, don't look back" so I am trying to follow the word and use Godly judgment and not live in condemnation. Before I started seeking God I did live in condemnation and depression due to unconfessed sin and a lack of self-worth fueled by all of the negative things I would focus on. My life was often crippled by fear and I was very unforgiving. I was having issues with pride, sexual immorality, selfishness, anger and idolatry. I had always heard growing up to "follow your heart". Counseling has taught me that the heart is deceitful and most always misleading so for sound advise we should only follow what the word of God says, not our own feelings.

The "put-off put-on" model has helped me to replace poor choices with better ones for my life. Just knowing that God loves us so much is a freeing and uplifting acceptance that I had never experienced before. I am feeling stronger every day due to the power of the Holy Spirit which is living inside of me and guiding me. By the grace of God I am reinventing Charles with a likeness to the son Jesus who gave his life for all of us. It is my desire to live my life to honor his name and give him praise because he made the ultimate sacrifice by giving his life to save us from ourselves.

I want all of the blessings he has in store for me even if I don't understand them at first glance. I have always lived in the kingdom of self, "self serving" and suffered accordingly so now as I start this new life living in the kingdom of God, "God serving" I am encouraged by the truths and promises revealed through the living words of the Bible. I am not yet who I want to be but by the grace of God and his love for me I am far from who I used to be with the confidence to continue on striving towards greatness.

Biblical counseling has helped me to identify, reflect and isolate areas in my life needing deeper introspection and given me the courage and faithfulness to press on and live a new life. I truly believe that although I am far from perfect, he who has started a work in me will complete that work and never leave or forsake me. It is that confidence and security which I am continuing to build upon that gives me the strength to live a successful Christian life.

In closing, I would like to add that although I do believe in medicine for certain health problems, I think anti-depressants are just a quick temporary fix to a MMSP - "Much More Serious Problem" or "My Most Selfish Personality." As in letting our feelings lead or guide us which is futile because the human heart is never satisfied. The Bible is not only a manual for life but it also has the answers to all of life's problems if you diligently seek them.

Biblical Counseling gave me the guidance and encouragement to rebuild my life from the inside out using the strength, empowerment, and wisdom of Gods Word. Hosea 4:6 says, "My people perish from a lack of knowledge." I lived in peril most of my adult life due to my ignorance and pride. Thinking that, we can handle things on our own is foolish, when we clearly need the help of a Savior.

So I encourage anyone who is reading this and struggling through life, as I was, to please stop, look, and listen. Change your path and embrace the power and healing that only comes through the knowledge and understanding of the truths and promises contained within God's Word, the Holy Bible. Your faith will heal you better than drugs ever could and help you achieve life long results to sustain you in any storm securely anchored by his love and grace.

Submitted by,

CB

 I was saved and baptized in 1971 but I have never given my testimony because I was afraid of being condemned, judged, and shunned by my church family.  There are a lot Scriptures about not fearing.  A few that comes to mind are Psalm 27:1, “The Lord is my light and my salvation.  Whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid”  2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and of a sound mind.”   As a result of counseling, I am beginning to get over my fear.  The Scripture that has been my stronghold for over 32 years is Phil. 4:13 which says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

When I was 11 years old my parents were divorced.  As a result, I felt unloved and unwanted.  Thinking I would feel loved and wanted, I became permissive in my teen years.  Then I became pregnant and had two abortions, which left me feeling even more unloved and unwanted.  I was not from a Christian family but after marrying into one, I began to realize that true love is unconditional, just as God’s love for us is unconditional.  Then I started reading and studying the Bible.  As a result, I came to know that God forgave all my sins.  One way I realized this, was that God blessed me with four beautiful children.  Even though I knew in my heart that God forgave me, I thought that I needed to forgive myself.  Through prayer and counseling, I have come to understand how complete and thorough God’s forgiveness truly is and that my forgiveness is not necessary because there was nothing left for me to forgive.  I finally understood that by placing my need to forgive above God’s forgiveness that I was putting myself above God.  This understanding has brought great freedom!  So much freedom that I have been able to stop taking the anti-depressants that I been on for several years and my depression is gone.  Praise the Lord!   “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.”

As I look back over the years, I can see God’s unconditional love and forgiveness for me.  He had been with me, strengthening me and providing for me in every circumstance of my life.

My prayer is that you have listened to my testimony with an open mind and with love.  I especially want teens and young adults to know that true love is unconditional and that God loves you and wants His best for you.

I praise God every day for His love and forgiveness.  Without that I couldn’t face another day.  I am reminded of a song we sing that say’s, “God’s love is endless and He loved us before we knew Him.”   I have truly laid all my sorrow, shame, and pain down and traded it for the joy of the Lord!!! All the glory belongs to Jesus!!!

Submitted by

S.S.

In January, I was at a "hopeless" tearful stage in my married life.  Although, I started to observe it about 2 years ago, and began to pray about it, and began to read about it, and even attended the Weekend to Remember with my husband and counseling on my own, I decided to "give in" and ask my husband to go to counseling with me, because of the hopeless feeling I was having.  In the meantime, I did a 40 day The Love Dare devotional.  I know this is what helped get me to the next level of facing it together with my husband.

I felt hopeless because I knew that this kind of ugliness that we were having in our marriage is not what God had intended for us.  There was little intimacy, lots of anger, minimal conversation and so much resentment about it all.  However, God did let me know that there was still love.  My husband and I had a committed kind of love, but it was confusing because not all of our actions backed that up.

The sessions were just what I was looking for.  I know my husband enjoyed them too.  One of the trials in our marriage relationship is that my husband lives in chronic pain, as you know.  As we shared with you, it is extremely difficult for him to just manage the everyday "getting up, going to work, supporting a family" role expected of him.  So for him to add anything extra to his schedule is always overwhelming.  And for him to be able to attend the sessions and try to work on the content of the counseling sessions,  is a miracle in itself.  I praise God for that!  And I now honor and respect my husband for it too.  The other thing that is a burden for my husband is that he has a job this is nearly 100% commission.  His performance "every day" determines what he makes and brings home to the family.  And since we both agree that I stay home and take care of the children and the home, this can sometimes weigh even heavier on the finances, but 99% of the time, we see "me staying home" as a blessing and a "burden lifter" rather than a "burden bearer".    That is also another praise to God, yet a way for me to honor and respect  my husband.

I was in search of more intimacy, more respect, and more time with my husband.  I found my answers in more intimacy with God, more time with God, and that resulted in me respecting my husband more.  I had a deep longing for a more meaningful intimate relationship with my husband.  I was so angry . . . I thought my husband was the problem and that getting him "on board" with wanting the same thing as me, was the solution!  Boy was I wrong!  I was harboring so much resentment, bitterness, so much anger, and all forms of malice!!  To this day, Ephesians 4:31-32 is still taped to my kitchen window, my bathroom mirror and my desk area.  "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  Ephesians 4:31-32.

It was God who gave me a longing for meaningful intimacy.  Through this “longing” that He gave me, it helped me to trust, to believe and to hope.  My desire for something deeper was the engine that drove me to seek fulfillment.  However, I allowed it to go on too long and it turned into bitterness, anger, resentment.  That only contributed to the stifling loneliness that I dreaded and had for a very long time. 

Some wonderful things have happened.  We are more patient with each other than before.  We are more quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry than before.  One of the best things is that we are learning to forgive each other (more quickly than before).  We still are tired, frustrated, and sometimes lonely.  But we see less ways to blame each other, and realize that this just means we need to spend more time with God.

I learned from you that I have unresolved anger.  Wow, it is so much easier to say now than before.  I was burning up inside with it, but didn't even know what it was. I was a fool, venting anger. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.  Proverbs 29:11  Anger  was holding me back from being the person God really wanted me to be in HIM.  You gave me some good ideas on the biblical way to deal with anger,  My dear brothers, take note of this:  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  James 1:19

I learned that my anger had a lot to do with my fears.  From the beginning of our marriage to now, I feared that somehow we wouldn't make it.  We wouldn't have enough money, we wouldn't stay together, we wouldn't know how to raise children.  Because of this fear, I developed a VERY CONTROLLING attitude.  I almost ran over my husband, the leader of the household, to make sure everything was going to be all right.  That really "muddied up" the roles that we had.  I am now, therefore, trying to learn how to take a more submissive role, that is biblical.  And I have to tell you, it is one of the best, MOST PEACEFUL, feelings I have ever had.  I am learning to trust him in this leadership role, because my trust in the Lord is growing.  God has the husband as the leader in the home for a reason.  I was dishonoring God and disrespecting my husband by filling this role.  Every day I have to work on "giving up control", but I admit it has been exactly what I was looking for because it helps me to trust God and get into His Will For My Life.

Finally, I knew I needed some help in finding ways to respect my husband and to show him.  He deserved so much more than I was showing him, but I was not good at doing this, and doing it authentically.  I read the book, Finding The Hero In Your Husband.  It was exactly what I needed to help HEAL the relationship that I helped destroy.  I am trying to NOT FIND FAULT in our relationship and in my spouse.  But instead I am trying to be more courageous and embrace THE RESPONSIBILITY THAT I HAVE in our relationship.  By once again, focusing on MY responsibility and not my husband’s I have found it so much easier to see my heroic husband as the person that God is molding into a respected child of God.

Tami, thank you for helping us see God's perspective and wisdom on marriage.  I have been able to share this wisdom with many people.  That is a good feeling to be a walking testimony to God's help in your life!  I am looking into the possibility of becoming a biblical counselor, in case God wants me to pursue this ministry.

May God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry.

Submitted by,

L.M.